Do Men Even Like Women Anymore?

The Manosphere used to at least like women enough to want to sleep with them. That no longer seems to be true.

I have a tiny bit of fondness for the pickup artists of the past. Guys like Neil Strauss and Mystery were not perfect, by any means — I’m not even saying they weren’t misogynistic — but they did like women. They liked women enough to seek to understand them, even if only to get to sleep with them. They liked women enough to write books, create TV shows and teach other men who liked women how to get a chance to do the same. Pickup artists of that era had desire, and they weren’t afraid of it. Desire was not a waste of time, or a hurdle to be overcome. Desire was part of how they perceived themselves as men, so long as they knew how to use it.

Since its beginning, pickup artists have been considered part of the Manosphere, a collection of online communities devoted to masculinity in a time which they perceive it to be under threat by feminism and women writ large. Other factions of the Manosphere include men’s rights activists, incels, and “Men Going Their Own Way,” or men who have decided to divest from women entirely. From the start, the extent to which these types of guys “liked” women varied: some were jealous of women, some were primarily resentful of other men, others just flat out misogynists. But with the exception of some of the MGTOW men, most would still at least acknowledge that they wanted to have sex with women.

I don’t think this is the case anymore.

Men fundamentally disliking women to the point where they perceive women as only good for sex is nothing new. Men questioning whether that exchange is even worth it isn’t new, either. But what does seem to be growing is the idea that men should reject this exchange wholesale, and encourage others to do the same. With increasing frequency, I am seeing men post sentiments like: “Remove sex from a relationship, and you will discover that 90% of women have nothing to offer men in relationships. Conversely, remove money from a relationship, and you will learn that 90% of women won't see a reason to be in said relationship.”

Or the following, from Andrew Tate:

“If you’re not horny you’ll realise women are:

Selfish

Boring

Rude

Arrogant

Expensive

Disloyal

Mean

Literally just stop being horny for 5 seconds and you’ll end up a misogynist.”

Statements like these are obvious cope, specifically from men who are trying to sell young men a salve. I’d say we could just ignore them entirely if it weren’t for the fact that Tate has millions of followers and reportedly one in six boys ages 6-15 have a positive view of him. His attitudes are not reflective of those of young men as a whole, but his influence is undoubtedly impactful. Case in point, in addition to posts from “masculinity” figures like this, I am also seeing a rise this rhetoric from much smaller, younger characters, too, like this TikTok with over one million likes:

One can argue that there is a sort of law of attraction element to this, that once you let go of your desire for women they will come to you more easily. This is actually somewhat aligned with the pickup artist philosophy. But it seems more likely that this way of thinking is proliferating is due to young men’s dissatisfaction with their sex lives. It’s much easier to convince yourself that sex and women are worthless pursuits than it is to cope with one’s own lack of sexual desirability, or confront the real structural hurdles that men and women alike are navigating in the dating pool. I even sympathize with the fact that young men have likely digested the belief that their desires are creepy and something to be suppressed in a post-Me Too world.

That said, what many of these guys resent is not merely their own empty sex lives but specifically that women are able to capitalize on their sexuality in ways they can’t. They perceive women’s sexuality — the way it is wielded through clothing, through socialization, through various forms of cultural currency — as deception. For them, that women are sexually appealing is some big trick that they’ve convinced themselves they’re too smart to fall for.