There really is a strong correlary within the venn diagram of those whose sexuality is informed by porn binges and those with the most extreme political proclivities.
Both are rooted in disconnection, and dehumanization is never too far downstream.
Couldn't it be argued that there are reactionary movements as well? I read that Generations Z and alpha are drinking and using drugs less than their predecessors. I'm not sure if their restraint extrapolates to porn but that is at least suggestive of a less hedonistic future.
I don’t think the data suggests that the restraint extends to porn. I would argue that it is more likely that they are drinking and using drugs less specifically because they are spending more time online. That’s also why they spend less time with friends and have fewer of them.
First off, thank you so much for this post. Probably the hardest type of topic for non-addicts to understand so I will start off with this quote: "America's real safety net is drugs, alcohol, cheap food and free porn."
To begin, I want to say that the root cause of all addictions is emotional distress. A lot of porn users grew up in broken households. We messed ourselves up. "The brain will always follow the path of least resistance if you let it". Usually meaning messy and stressful lifestyle. Could be staying up too late, deciding not to clean their room, and hygiene. It's no wonder they would plop down and let their sexual id run free. Other causes include real physical/chronic pain. For example, when they come home after a long day of work, they just feel the need to relax and porn will most definitely be at the top of the list. This lack of direction can cause a feeling of directionless in their lives.
Addicts have tricked their brains into thinking they can't escape but a big key really is the human themselves. Humans need to reprogram their brains. The only thing that prevents us from quitting is fear. Fear caused by the belief that we’ll have to survive without this or that we are so irreparably damaged that there is no way anyone will love us. The damage can be undone but as with any type of addiction. There will need to be a lot of soul searching especially for any type of fetish or kink that has subsisted for several years. The addict must see some type of light at the end of the tunnel. They probably will need to unplug from social media if it is causing them angst/depression.
"The gooner represents a person whose desire for sex has been rewired into a desire for constant, repetitive online stimuli. Is the way we seek connection through social media all that different?"
This is a great point, in my case my struggles on places like discord and reddit/ past failed friendships brought me to seek out and scratch those cravings. Addicts only way to awaken is to find that light at the end of the tunnel and try anything they can to get away (blocking of sites).
And how the heck does politics play into all of this? well a lot of us have dumbed our brains down so much we will get excited over anything. Trump is a good example of this. I spent so much time researching politics.
To conclude, addicts to porn have to find some type of way to shapen up. It is an extreme time sucker of a habit that significantly impacted myself and many others. Addicts especially need to realize the dangers of social media when it comes to this habit. I truly believe lifestyle habits are a big impetus to people getting out of their mental hurtles and back to reality again. When you are on a drug reality goes out the window.
"The gooner represents a person whose desire for sex has been rewired into a desire for constant, repetitive online stimuli. Is the way we seek connection through social media all that different? Is the hostility distributed through the online Gender War not a depiction of a similarly mediated instinct of its own?" goes crazyyyyy
I have always wondered what perverts did before the internet. For the garden variety heterosexual libertine or your standard homosexual, you moved to the Big City where you could be relatively anonymous and then set about to find where like-minded souls congregate. Depending on what your particular thing is, maybe you moved to a farm way out in the boonies where there are no neighbors to ask nosy questions.
But if you were outside that window, say, you were one of Dan Savage's cross-dressing poo-eaters, or something dangerous or illegal, how do you find others who are interested in that kind of thing and without getting seriously hurt?
while I can't speak to "Dan Savage's cross-dressing poo-eaters" per se.... many fetish magazines originated in the 1940s onward — I imagine that there were several people who clandestinely found opportunities to acquire one, perhaps on a rare trip to a metropolitan area, and held it in secret under their mattress for many years. its inaccessibility and taboo nature were part of the appeal.
Personal ads e.g. Village Voice. Singles’ bars where men had to walk up to women and make conversation, while both parties were trying to figure out if they wanted to go home together.
All this, the heritage of the 60s and 70s, coexisted with and far outshone online stuff in the primitive days of the Internet, but instantly a small percentage (hard-core geeks) migrated online to find partners. I know a woman who met her husband on IRC.
I think we all need to get offline more. The real world really is much less extreme. I realized that MJT actually advocates this, but that includes reading Substack....
Most destructive trends are attributed to the profiteer/ supplier/ corporation. Like, we don’t generally lay responsibility for lazy ass car driving in the lap of the driver, do we? Then why isn’t the supplier in this case under more scrutiny? Are we incapable of calling out misandry?
"..and I am forced to imagine her seeing a word like “gooner” in her inbox. She does not know what that word means. Will she Google it? Will she text me to ask?"
The rise of polyamory is in large part due to growing acceptance around it, of course, but I also think it reflects something of how our relationship with desire has become convoluted. It represents two polarizing pressures, much like the prude/pervert one I mentioned above: the desire to have fewer boundaries, and the desire to give those fewer boundaries a name.
"the desire to have fewer boundaries, and the desire to give those fewer boundaries a name." Thats it, for sure. And some delusion that boundaries don't exist for a reason or are necessary for human flourishing.
could also mention the instant gratification/"Amazon Prime" or "Door Dash"-ness culture, and flattening of the desire-acquire chain.
people expect to be able to get what they want when they want it now. the idea of desiring something and *not* getting it, even if you shouldnt have it or that its not "right" (scare quotes cause larger convo, not telling people how to live their consenting relationships) to have , is becoming more and more foreign especially for certain demographics.
There really is a strong correlary within the venn diagram of those whose sexuality is informed by porn binges and those with the most extreme political proclivities.
Both are rooted in disconnection, and dehumanization is never too far downstream.
thats a good point, but to be fair when people are on a vice everything goes out the window
so if their criminal minds have them craving one thing probably 1-2% of people would actually even think about actually doing that
Omg i had no idea the origin of that soundbite was him listening to your essay! Fuckin bizarro world
No no no no no. You can't do that!
A Gooner is a supporter of Arsenal Football Club, in North London.
:)
I can't believe the online gooners would welcome the association. They must have some shame
Couldn't it be argued that there are reactionary movements as well? I read that Generations Z and alpha are drinking and using drugs less than their predecessors. I'm not sure if their restraint extrapolates to porn but that is at least suggestive of a less hedonistic future.
I don’t think the data suggests that the restraint extends to porn. I would argue that it is more likely that they are drinking and using drugs less specifically because they are spending more time online. That’s also why they spend less time with friends and have fewer of them.
I like this theory. So hedonistic expression is getting redistributed on online activities, eg porn.
Hi Magdalene,
First off, thank you so much for this post. Probably the hardest type of topic for non-addicts to understand so I will start off with this quote: "America's real safety net is drugs, alcohol, cheap food and free porn."
To begin, I want to say that the root cause of all addictions is emotional distress. A lot of porn users grew up in broken households. We messed ourselves up. "The brain will always follow the path of least resistance if you let it". Usually meaning messy and stressful lifestyle. Could be staying up too late, deciding not to clean their room, and hygiene. It's no wonder they would plop down and let their sexual id run free. Other causes include real physical/chronic pain. For example, when they come home after a long day of work, they just feel the need to relax and porn will most definitely be at the top of the list. This lack of direction can cause a feeling of directionless in their lives.
Addicts have tricked their brains into thinking they can't escape but a big key really is the human themselves. Humans need to reprogram their brains. The only thing that prevents us from quitting is fear. Fear caused by the belief that we’ll have to survive without this or that we are so irreparably damaged that there is no way anyone will love us. The damage can be undone but as with any type of addiction. There will need to be a lot of soul searching especially for any type of fetish or kink that has subsisted for several years. The addict must see some type of light at the end of the tunnel. They probably will need to unplug from social media if it is causing them angst/depression.
"The gooner represents a person whose desire for sex has been rewired into a desire for constant, repetitive online stimuli. Is the way we seek connection through social media all that different?"
This is a great point, in my case my struggles on places like discord and reddit/ past failed friendships brought me to seek out and scratch those cravings. Addicts only way to awaken is to find that light at the end of the tunnel and try anything they can to get away (blocking of sites).
And how the heck does politics play into all of this? well a lot of us have dumbed our brains down so much we will get excited over anything. Trump is a good example of this. I spent so much time researching politics.
To conclude, addicts to porn have to find some type of way to shapen up. It is an extreme time sucker of a habit that significantly impacted myself and many others. Addicts especially need to realize the dangers of social media when it comes to this habit. I truly believe lifestyle habits are a big impetus to people getting out of their mental hurtles and back to reality again. When you are on a drug reality goes out the window.
"The gooner represents a person whose desire for sex has been rewired into a desire for constant, repetitive online stimuli. Is the way we seek connection through social media all that different? Is the hostility distributed through the online Gender War not a depiction of a similarly mediated instinct of its own?" goes crazyyyyy
I have always wondered what perverts did before the internet. For the garden variety heterosexual libertine or your standard homosexual, you moved to the Big City where you could be relatively anonymous and then set about to find where like-minded souls congregate. Depending on what your particular thing is, maybe you moved to a farm way out in the boonies where there are no neighbors to ask nosy questions.
But if you were outside that window, say, you were one of Dan Savage's cross-dressing poo-eaters, or something dangerous or illegal, how do you find others who are interested in that kind of thing and without getting seriously hurt?
while I can't speak to "Dan Savage's cross-dressing poo-eaters" per se.... many fetish magazines originated in the 1940s onward — I imagine that there were several people who clandestinely found opportunities to acquire one, perhaps on a rare trip to a metropolitan area, and held it in secret under their mattress for many years. its inaccessibility and taboo nature were part of the appeal.
I really don't know.
Personal ads e.g. Village Voice. Singles’ bars where men had to walk up to women and make conversation, while both parties were trying to figure out if they wanted to go home together.
All this, the heritage of the 60s and 70s, coexisted with and far outshone online stuff in the primitive days of the Internet, but instantly a small percentage (hard-core geeks) migrated online to find partners. I know a woman who met her husband on IRC.
Not sure if there is a singles bar thst catered to cross-dressing poo eaters or whatever, jus' sayin'.
I mean… it’s hard to argue with that.
Please explain Black New World Order to us
I think we all need to get offline more. The real world really is much less extreme. I realized that MJT actually advocates this, but that includes reading Substack....
Most destructive trends are attributed to the profiteer/ supplier/ corporation. Like, we don’t generally lay responsibility for lazy ass car driving in the lap of the driver, do we? Then why isn’t the supplier in this case under more scrutiny? Are we incapable of calling out misandry?
"..and I am forced to imagine her seeing a word like “gooner” in her inbox. She does not know what that word means. Will she Google it? Will she text me to ask?"
Teheh :')
What is your view on the proliferation of men fetishising their own unfuckability?
A beaten down defense of self esteem by constant bombardment from misandrists?
Where does the rise of polyamory come into play with this dichotomy?
The rise of polyamory is in large part due to growing acceptance around it, of course, but I also think it reflects something of how our relationship with desire has become convoluted. It represents two polarizing pressures, much like the prude/pervert one I mentioned above: the desire to have fewer boundaries, and the desire to give those fewer boundaries a name.
"the desire to have fewer boundaries, and the desire to give those fewer boundaries a name." Thats it, for sure. And some delusion that boundaries don't exist for a reason or are necessary for human flourishing.
could also mention the instant gratification/"Amazon Prime" or "Door Dash"-ness culture, and flattening of the desire-acquire chain.
people expect to be able to get what they want when they want it now. the idea of desiring something and *not* getting it, even if you shouldnt have it or that its not "right" (scare quotes cause larger convo, not telling people how to live their consenting relationships) to have , is becoming more and more foreign especially for certain demographics.